Crush

At least this crush tastes good and comes in a six-pack.

A friend recently blogged about all of the fun and excitement a crush can bring: the "what-ifs," the possible scenarios, the Google-stalking... It made me feel strange. I don't think crushing is fun at all; it's just plain mind-boggling. I'd rather if Crush were just a brand of soda and the other thing didn't exist.

The first reason I don't like to crush is Uncertainty - "Does he like me?" "Do I really like him?" "Is he really as great as I'm making him out to be?" I would like to be certain before having feelings for someone that there is some kind of potential. It seems the men I have crushed on in the past are always, unbeknownst to me, unavailable: unavailable emotionally, unavailable intellectually, or "unavailable" unavailable. As soon as I figure these things out, the crush needs to end quickly, which leads me to my next reason:

Mistrust. I don't trust my own judgment and I don't totally trust the person I am crushing on either. All people advertise themselves in the best light, so how can you trust that the person is really who they appear to be? It seems my Google-stalking is more out of fear that the person is not really who they say they are.

Reason #3: Waste of time. Why spend all of that time figuring someone out when there are other things that need to be done? After I am certain that the person is unavailable, I look at the crush as a big waste of time. I could have been spending time with my friends, or taking on a project, or any number of enjoyable activities. (like blogging ;))

My artistic side wants "love at first sight" or "lightning bolts" but, my realistic side knows that perhaps crushing first, then getting to know someone is probably more likely. But, I'm tired of crushing. Really, it's draining and not much fun at all. I think I'm going to stand in the water or by a light post and wait for that bolt. Oh shit, wait. There are no lightning storms in California.