Worth It

Legs. Butt. Hurt. So. Bad.

Instead of jumping up and down on my own two feet, I feel like someone twice my size jumped up and down on my legs. I got up again at 5:50am this morning to hit the gym, and I could barely get out of bed. After swallowing two ibuprofen and convincing myself that it's not that bad, I did 30 minutes on the elliptical, and another 30 minutes running (slow) on the treadmill, followed by stretching. Now it is almost 5:00pm and I can barely move. Geez.

I fell asleep last night watching The Biggest Loser and wondered how those people feel after their first day with Bob and Jillian - especially since many of them have never worked out at all. It can't be comfortable. They must be thinking the same thing I am:

"Is the pain really worth it?"

Luckily, with exercise, I've been through this kind of soreness enough times to know that it will eventually go away and I will be a stronger person because I will have worked through it. Many others may chose to give up not knowing that they could have been stronger, or they will just start over and feel the pain again.

Unfortunately, I ask myself if the pain is really worth it in my current job - and I don't have such a well-defined answer. It's difficult to get out of bed, I feel stuck, unable to move, and don't see how this experience is making me any stronger. I also feel like I'm not growing and it's completely debilitating. Ibuprofen (or wine) doesn't help. It just hurts. The only reason I don't give up completely is that it's probably better than having no job at all. But, damn. That's depressing.

Next to my desk at work, I have a copy of the serenity prayer:

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference; living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace..."

Instead of dwelling on things out of my control, I'm really trying to focus on those things that know I can endure, and continue to work through them so that it makes me stronger.