What can I say? I don't know what to say when people ask me where I'm from because I'm not really "from" anywhere. I've never lived in any one house or apartment for more than 3 years. It sounds tragic to some, exciting to others. Let me break it down for you:
1979 Born in Macomb, Illinois
1981 Moved to Astoria, Illinois
1984 Moved to White Hall, Illinois.
1987 Moved to Grant Park, Illinois. (Lived in 3 different houses.)
1994 Moved to Lenox, Iowa.
1997 Moved to Creston, IA. (College)
1999 Moved to San Jose, CA. (1 year in the dorms, 1 year in an apartment.)
2001 Moved to Trossingen, Germany.
2002 Moved back to San Jose, CA.
2003 Moved to Las Vegas, NV.
2004 Moved back to San Jose, CA.
2006 Moved to Campbell, CA.
My parents also have a very interesting history of moving that begins in the "Quad Cities" (Brownie points for anyone who knows where that is.) in 1971 -- they moved at least 4 times. And, since moving out on my own in 1997, my parents have moved twice. When visiting my parents I can't refer to anything as "my room", "my neighborhood", and I rarely run into anyone I know from high school unless they happen to be living in Des Moines or are taking a weekend trip to the mall.
I have two concepts of home:
1.) Where I can find most of my stuff and where I go when there is no where else to go / the physical address where I to pay rent.
I have lovingly referred to my apartment as "The Storage Unit". When speaking with my insurance agent about renters insurance, he tried to convince me that I needed a much larger policy than what I thought I needed. So, I told him straight out, "Except for my bed and clothes, I could give a crap if my stuff goes up in flames. I can replace all of it more cheaply than you think." I purchased renters insurance to protect myself in case someone gets drunk and stumbles down the stairs, or a neighbor wants to sue me for something. I don't have personal attachments to many material things. The things I own, I own for convenience and not because I LOVE them.
2.) Where I'm around familiar people and places I love.
My parents house is still home. There is a familiarity there: recognizable food in the fridge, pepsodent toothpaste - the same home practices my parents have always had. Only the walls and the furniture are different. The ambiance is the same.
I also consider the Bay Area home, particularly the South Bay. I generally know how to get from one place to another, I run into people I know often. Most of my best friends are here, I graduated from college here, my music colleagues are here. I'm connected to people and events that happen here. I vote and pay taxes. I care what happens in my neighborhood.
I wonder how my concept of "home" is different from those who grew up in the one house, one neighborhood, went to one school, and who are upset because their bedroom at the parent's place is now a home office. Honestly, I can't even imagine that.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Bridge to Bridge
Anyone up for the Bridge to Bridge Run in San Francisco on October 1st ?? There will be a KFOG sponsored band playing after the race, and free FLOSS! Woo hoo!
Heros
THANK YOU!Heros are overrated -- It is time to thank those who inspire in a different way, namely those who do their job so poorly, thus inspiring others to be better.
I would like to thank the college professor who gave the same lecture for 30 years, and the same test every year that no student could pass unless they cheated by memorizing copies of the previous years' tests. Your awful lectures made me realize that being a good teacher has everything to do with keeping up with the times and inspiring others by being inspired yourself. I'm inspired to move forward, be open to change, and to keep learning.
I would like to thank the TV show "American Idol" for brainwashing America into thinking Kelly Clarkson is actually a good singer. You've made me appreciate true talent. I am inspired to teach people about the amazing work of recording technicians, and enjoy listening to people who can improvise and/or can perform songs with more than 5 chords.
I would like to thank an ex-boyfriend's father for teaching me what kind of man to stay away from.
I would like to thank certain world leaders (past and present) who have said ignorant things or use incorrect English. You've taught me that people are constantly listening to and judging what you say (good or bad). I'm inspired to think before I speak and have the ability to admit when I'm wrong.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
This Musician's Life
It's true, as they say -- All musicians have a day job. What they don't highlight are the million little projects on the side that supplement our earnings, or keep us busy enough not to think about our pocketbooks. I'm proud to say that I have a full-time job in the performing arts and not at a local Pizza Hut. (Although, I'll have you know, pizza-making did support 2 years of my undergraduate career. I can still flip a mean crust, although I'll need to take allergy medication first.) Even when my checkbook bounces, I thank my lucky stars I never went to school to be corporate lawyer or a banker (oh, the drudgery). I feel, as most musicians do, that their "career" encompasses their whole person and is not just a job that puts food on the table... it's a way of life.
CAREER = job + projects
My career consists of: My job, MA courses, performances, rehearsals, board meetings, working out... I've been having a hard time keeping track of it all. So... I've FINALLY introduced a WEEKLY PLANNER into my life!
I haven't used a planner since college, and although my wall calendar at work is filled, I really needed a calendar at hand. A few months ago, a friend gave me a palm pilot and I hated it. It was too difficult to read, a pain in the a## to write in, and when the battery charger broke, I didn't feel the need to replace it. Thank goodness it was a hand-me-down. (Any takers?)
The 2007 WEEKLY PLANNER (978-064169100-3) was a good ole' $6.95 Barnes and Nobel purchase. I think we are going to be good friends.
CAREER = job + projects
My career consists of: My job, MA courses, performances, rehearsals, board meetings, working out... I've been having a hard time keeping track of it all. So... I've FINALLY introduced a WEEKLY PLANNER into my life!
I haven't used a planner since college, and although my wall calendar at work is filled, I really needed a calendar at hand. A few months ago, a friend gave me a palm pilot and I hated it. It was too difficult to read, a pain in the a## to write in, and when the battery charger broke, I didn't feel the need to replace it. Thank goodness it was a hand-me-down. (Any takers?)
The 2007 WEEKLY PLANNER (978-064169100-3) was a good ole' $6.95 Barnes and Nobel purchase. I think we are going to be good friends.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
How upsetting...
Funny that this came up on Arethusa's blog today.
Forbe's magazine: Don't Marry Career Women.
UPDATE: Seems they've taken this article off of Forbes' site. Interesting. If you want it, I have the PDF, though. he he he
Yahoo listing
Forbe's magazine: Don't Marry Career Women.
UPDATE: Seems they've taken this article off of Forbes' site. Interesting. If you want it, I have the PDF, though. he he he
Yahoo listing
Thoughts on my gym
THE LADIES AT MY GYM
I much prefer the evening crowd to the morning crowd at my gym, but feel a sense of accomplishment when I get up early to get exercise out of the way before my morning cup of coffee. Unfortunately, with the morning, comes the happy, chatty, morning-types of which I am not.
I don't worry too much about the being 50 or 60 until I listen to the mindless banter these seemingly agreeable and intelligent women have in the locker room. I try to avoid their conversations about their rich husbands, Pottery Barn plates, and trips to France, but will all of the blow drying and scurrying about, they just talk louder to cover up the whirring and spraying. My theory: they just want everyone to hear what they are talking about. Therefore, I don't feel bad "spying" because it's not like I'm going to great lengths to overhear these conversations. If you can even call them "conversations." Let's give them another name - Overly Loud Discussions Proving I'm Better Than You.... or OLD PIBTY. I've over heard a lot of OLD PIBTY in the locker room. It's the Howard Stern effect- you hate it so much, that you just have to listen.
These ladies like to use the word "wonderful." It is used in abundance, whether they are talking about the wonderful marinade made for a classy dinner party, or the wonderful wine and cheese event before the opening of a wonderful play. Also discussed are their husband's stock market successes, or so-and-so's husband's stock market successes. They never speak of successes of their own. Perhaps marinade is a success?...
The ladies also like to compliment each other, usually on shoes. But, the topic of one woman's shoes usually leads to a discussion of boutiques (they are never called STORES) either in Los Gatos or Saratoga where they like to "sale" shop. We regular people know that a sale at a boutique is not a sale at all.
When their pilates instructor comes in they gang up on her like a group of high school wannabe's, asking her all kinds of fitness questions, complimenting her, making comments about different muscles or other classes they've taken. That's right everyone -- they take the same fitness classes. And why wouldn't they? They thrive on competition.
A recent topic of conversation has been: Books on tape. You know, because they are all too busy re-decorating the kitchen to actually sit down and read a book.
Perhaps I'm being too hard on the ladies of the babyboomer generation, but I worry that this may be a trend for women of all generations - one that I am SERIOUSLY out-of-the-loop on. Aren't these the same women who went to Woodstock, smoked pot, listened to Joni Mitchell, and went braless? Weren't these the women who fought to go to college, took birth control and wrote feminist poetry? What happened?
UPDATE ON FLABULOUSNESS / WEEK 2 / VOLUME 3 (Wednesday)
Last week was pretty, um, weak; I only exercised 3 days: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday. Then I went to Sonoma and drank wine and ate cheese. Oh well. This week has been better.
Accomplishments since Monday: Went to the gym 3 mornings in a row, tried a fitness class: flow yoga, brought my lunch to work 2 out of 3 days, have eaten no pizza or beer for 4 days.
I much prefer the evening crowd to the morning crowd at my gym, but feel a sense of accomplishment when I get up early to get exercise out of the way before my morning cup of coffee. Unfortunately, with the morning, comes the happy, chatty, morning-types of which I am not.
I don't worry too much about the being 50 or 60 until I listen to the mindless banter these seemingly agreeable and intelligent women have in the locker room. I try to avoid their conversations about their rich husbands, Pottery Barn plates, and trips to France, but will all of the blow drying and scurrying about, they just talk louder to cover up the whirring and spraying. My theory: they just want everyone to hear what they are talking about. Therefore, I don't feel bad "spying" because it's not like I'm going to great lengths to overhear these conversations. If you can even call them "conversations." Let's give them another name - Overly Loud Discussions Proving I'm Better Than You.... or OLD PIBTY. I've over heard a lot of OLD PIBTY in the locker room. It's the Howard Stern effect- you hate it so much, that you just have to listen.
These ladies like to use the word "wonderful." It is used in abundance, whether they are talking about the wonderful marinade made for a classy dinner party, or the wonderful wine and cheese event before the opening of a wonderful play. Also discussed are their husband's stock market successes, or so-and-so's husband's stock market successes. They never speak of successes of their own. Perhaps marinade is a success?...
The ladies also like to compliment each other, usually on shoes. But, the topic of one woman's shoes usually leads to a discussion of boutiques (they are never called STORES) either in Los Gatos or Saratoga where they like to "sale" shop. We regular people know that a sale at a boutique is not a sale at all.
When their pilates instructor comes in they gang up on her like a group of high school wannabe's, asking her all kinds of fitness questions, complimenting her, making comments about different muscles or other classes they've taken. That's right everyone -- they take the same fitness classes. And why wouldn't they? They thrive on competition.
A recent topic of conversation has been: Books on tape. You know, because they are all too busy re-decorating the kitchen to actually sit down and read a book.
Perhaps I'm being too hard on the ladies of the babyboomer generation, but I worry that this may be a trend for women of all generations - one that I am SERIOUSLY out-of-the-loop on. Aren't these the same women who went to Woodstock, smoked pot, listened to Joni Mitchell, and went braless? Weren't these the women who fought to go to college, took birth control and wrote feminist poetry? What happened?
UPDATE ON FLABULOUSNESS / WEEK 2 / VOLUME 3 (Wednesday)
Last week was pretty, um, weak; I only exercised 3 days: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday. Then I went to Sonoma and drank wine and ate cheese. Oh well. This week has been better.
Accomplishments since Monday: Went to the gym 3 mornings in a row, tried a fitness class: flow yoga, brought my lunch to work 2 out of 3 days, have eaten no pizza or beer for 4 days.
Monday, August 21, 2006
The beauty of a VINYU (TM)
Thursday night's concert at the Mountain Winery was fabu. I'd never been to the winery before, but left feeling inspired by the ambiance of the venue. What's not to enjoy about sitting outside on a beautiful stary night in a lush vineyard with a bottle of Cabernet, either watching the live music, or listening while staring out over the lovely vistas? Um, nothing. Maybe a bottle of Pinot instead... This was not just a venue, it was a VINYU.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
No time, to get physical
No time - have to get out of here to see Toad the Wet Sprocket with Big Head Todd and The Monsters at the Mountain Winery. (As I add this link, I notice Olivia Newton-John is doing a concert there in October. Now I have to add a picture, because she is a somewhat of a childhood idol of mine.)
Speaking of getting physical: I got up early to go to the gym and do 30 lame minutes of cardio followed by stretching and abs this morning. I've eated a turkey sandwich and about 20 chocholate covered espresso beans today. I don't think I'm hopelessly devoted to being less flabulous.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
New Concert Seasons!
A yearly (daily/monthly/hourly...) resolution is to patronize more concerts. I just got a glimpse of the Cal Performances season brochure and am now REALLY excited about the possibility of upcoming concert seasons. I'm a big fan of universities as performing arts venues. Concert calendars for Cal Performances and Stanford Lively Arts get me really excited. Performing arts and higher education together - ah *sigh* a BEAUTIFUL thing.
Since college, I've been hearing about world famous sitar player, Ravi Shankar (also the father of Nora Jones, but that shouldn't be his main claim to fame). Truth is, he is one of the last classically trained sitar masters in the world! Those who are not particularly a fan of world or Indian music leave his concert mesmerized and changed. Mr. Shankar is in his 80's! So, if I am to see him in concert, I need to see him SOON. He is playing on April 29, 2007 in Berkeley and... my calendar is booked with a concert of my own. I have a feeling my concert will be posponed or cancelled, and I will be at home on a perfectly good Sunday evening, when I could be in Berekely at a sold-out-once-in-a-lifetime show. Am sad. :(
Since college, I've been hearing about world famous sitar player, Ravi Shankar (also the father of Nora Jones, but that shouldn't be his main claim to fame). Truth is, he is one of the last classically trained sitar masters in the world! Those who are not particularly a fan of world or Indian music leave his concert mesmerized and changed. Mr. Shankar is in his 80's! So, if I am to see him in concert, I need to see him SOON. He is playing on April 29, 2007 in Berkeley and... my calendar is booked with a concert of my own. I have a feeling my concert will be posponed or cancelled, and I will be at home on a perfectly good Sunday evening, when I could be in Berekely at a sold-out-once-in-a-lifetime show. Am sad. :(
Ravi! Hang on, buddy.... I'll see you soon.
Another performer I would like to see in concert is soprano, Kiri Te Kanawa, who will also be performing at Cal Performances at the end of September. I'm going to think about this one over the weekend, and possibly purchase tickets early next week. She is doing a joint concert with mezzo-soprano Frederica von Stade, so it will be a VERY popular concert, selling out very quickly. I figure if any of the low-end $48 tickets are still available next Tuesday - it was meant to be.
One group I tend to see almost every year is Bay Area based Chanticleer men's chorus. Truly amazing! They perform yearly at the Santa Clara Mission, so they are right in my neighborhood in a very large venue. Chanticleer frequents the Bay Area but they travel all over the world. My roommate's friend from college became a member of the group this year. Very cool.
As many know, I attend all concerts for the San Jose based Choral Project from which I receive a different type of artistic stimulation. Again this holiday season, CP will perform yet again with the San Jose Chamber Orchestra. This was my favorite CP concert last year. No one else seemed to enjoy J.S. Bach's "Singet dem Herrn" as much as I did. There's just something about continuo that makes me giddy.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Does exercise make up for over-eating?
DAY 2 of FLABULOUSNESS:
Had a large veggie sandwich while out to lunch with a collegue. The sandwich came with a lot of bread and pasta salad, so it's not as healthy as it sounds. (LOSE 1 point)
After lunch, I saw my stylist Megan and went for a shorter haircut than usual (LOSE 2 inches).
After work, I'm going hiking for one hour out at Quicksilver (GAIN 1-2 points) then have dinner with the boyfriend's parents. (LOSE 1 point).
So, I'm even, depending on the difficulty of the hike and how much wine I have for dinner, and my hair looks better. Not a bad day.
OTHER BORING THOUGHTS
I just tried my first espresso bean covered in dark chocholate and I must say -- kind of gross. I mean, the taste is pretty good, but it's kind of like biting into tasty tree bark. While I've written this, I've eaten 5 or 6. (LOSE 2 points)
I'm listening to someone play "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" through the wall. (No points gained or lost)
Had a large veggie sandwich while out to lunch with a collegue. The sandwich came with a lot of bread and pasta salad, so it's not as healthy as it sounds. (LOSE 1 point)
After lunch, I saw my stylist Megan and went for a shorter haircut than usual (LOSE 2 inches).
After work, I'm going hiking for one hour out at Quicksilver (GAIN 1-2 points) then have dinner with the boyfriend's parents. (LOSE 1 point).
So, I'm even, depending on the difficulty of the hike and how much wine I have for dinner, and my hair looks better. Not a bad day.
OTHER BORING THOUGHTS
I just tried my first espresso bean covered in dark chocholate and I must say -- kind of gross. I mean, the taste is pretty good, but it's kind of like biting into tasty tree bark. While I've written this, I've eaten 5 or 6. (LOSE 2 points)
I'm listening to someone play "Don't Cry for Me Argentina" through the wall. (No points gained or lost)
Monday, August 14, 2006
I feel FLABULOUS - Day 1
If having really "good" (shows-every-dimple) lighting in the new bathroom wasn't bad enough... laziness is now taking hold of my personality. I've been in a pretty shitty mood for the last week. I could blame it on the birthday, but I'm going to blame it on lack of endorphens. Last night, after taking a 6 hour nap, I've decided enough is enough... I'm shaping up again, damnit! And here's how:
1.) Get up earlier to get more done
2.) Work out at least 4 days a week
3.) Register for another race or two in fall... (TBD)
4.) Subscribe to RUNNERS magazine
5.) Cut down eating of pizza and drinking of beer
6.) Eat a sensible lunch
7.) Buy a dog - no, no, no, you are not buying a dog! Take this off the list!
7.) Find an enjoyable group fitness class that doesn't require clapping
8.) Have more sex (NOT a part of the group fitness class- sicko!)
9.) Laugh more
10.) Make monthly massage appointments
HOW I'M DOING / DAY 1 / MONDAY
- At the gym at 7:15 where I did 10 minutes warm-up on the stationary bike, followed by 2 miles on the treadmill. Core stretch, then hit the shower.
- Had my usual cup of joe for breakfast and a small portion of mushroom risotto for lunch
- Sent in subscription to RUNNERS magazine
1.) Get up earlier to get more done
2.) Work out at least 4 days a week
3.) Register for another race or two in fall... (TBD)
4.) Subscribe to RUNNERS magazine
5.) Cut down eating of pizza and drinking of beer
6.) Eat a sensible lunch
7.) Buy a dog - no, no, no, you are not buying a dog! Take this off the list!
7.) Find an enjoyable group fitness class that doesn't require clapping
8.) Have more sex (NOT a part of the group fitness class- sicko!)
9.) Laugh more
10.) Make monthly massage appointments
HOW I'M DOING / DAY 1 / MONDAY
- At the gym at 7:15 where I did 10 minutes warm-up on the stationary bike, followed by 2 miles on the treadmill. Core stretch, then hit the shower.
- Had my usual cup of joe for breakfast and a small portion of mushroom risotto for lunch
- Sent in subscription to RUNNERS magazine
Friday, August 11, 2006
Ode to new apartment
Oh new apartment, painted random shades of blue,
I have oh so much storage and the carpeting is new.
Oh to live with young professionals, working all the day,
You actually have cars and jobs and are mostly normal - YAY!
Oh to the air conditioner who keeps me nice and cool,
Or if I want to go outside, I can swim in the big pool.
Oh dishwasher how it's nice to load you with glasses,
With all the dishes 2 acquire, we could feed the masses.
Oh to sit on the balcony beneath magnolia trees,
Throwing out the satellite will make me very pleased.
Oh to do laundry with plenty of machines,
People actually take the time to clean out linty screens.
Oh to my neighborhood, equipped with Trader Joe's,
Barnes and Noble, Whole Foods, a salon to paint my toes.
Oh to Bascom avenue, I drive you daily to work,
Not to travel freeway is quite a lovely perk.
Oh to the City of Campbell, with your pink water tower,
Very nice establishments for food or happy hour.
I have oh so much storage and the carpeting is new.
Oh to live with young professionals, working all the day,
You actually have cars and jobs and are mostly normal - YAY!
Oh to the air conditioner who keeps me nice and cool,
Or if I want to go outside, I can swim in the big pool.
Oh dishwasher how it's nice to load you with glasses,
With all the dishes 2 acquire, we could feed the masses.
Oh to sit on the balcony beneath magnolia trees,
Throwing out the satellite will make me very pleased.
Oh to do laundry with plenty of machines,
People actually take the time to clean out linty screens.
Oh to my neighborhood, equipped with Trader Joe's,
Barnes and Noble, Whole Foods, a salon to paint my toes.
Oh to Bascom avenue, I drive you daily to work,
Not to travel freeway is quite a lovely perk.
Oh to the City of Campbell, with your pink water tower,
Very nice establishments for food or happy hour.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Dear Abby,
This is an actual email I received from a male friend, and my response.
the girl:
we were in an open relationship together, which meant to me that we were free to date and have people on the side but nothing serious. when she cancelled the trip 10 days before we left i got pissed and wouldn't speak to her for a couple of days so i wouldn't say something i would regret later. then she started ignoring me which pissed me off so i wasn't going to be the first to break the silence. finally did the night before i left and thought we had worked some stuff out. told her that i was real pissed about what she did but still cared about her. came back two weeks later without hearing a word from her and found that she was serious about this new guy. from she told me it started as a side gig about 2 months before i left and didn't get serious till i was gone. in the 13 days i was gone i guess it got pretty serious cause now she's not comfortable sleeping with me and no longer is physically afffectionate at all. i can't even figure out why i still want to be with her considering she fucked me over twice. but still want to be with her. makes me feel like a pathetic loser. and raises all these self confidence issues that i don't like dealing with. been a shitty couple of weeks. and i see her at least twice a day at the gym. trying to get her to just decide so i can either move on or move forward with her. have a feeling i'm going to be moving on. i'll get over it eventually but sucks right now. haven't found someone i like this much or this attracted to in years. actually like her enough to quit fucking other women and be monogamous. but while this is up in the air i started talking to my x in san diego more and went down to visit her and she's coming upto my mom's next weeknd to visit me. and need to patch things up with my fuck buddy but haven't had a night free to see her in a couple of weeks. whcih i think she is pretty pissed over.
Dear______,
Ok, I feel the need to give advice. Take it or leave it.
Many women will say they want an open relationship for two reasons #1) They are waiting for something better. #2) Because they will go to any lengths to be with you, even if it means lying (to you and themselves) and agreeing to what you want.
So, this girl either #1) Found something better. #2) Was tired of lying to you, and really wanted a monogamous relationship, which she found with someone else.
No offense, but your situation proves that monogamy is just a part of human existence. (We are, afterall, not fish. BTW fish don't have sex for pleasure.) If you can't commit to a person, that person will eventually leave you and find someone who will commit, even if they SAY that's not what they want/need. Remember ___ and his girlfriend? They opened the relationship when he went abroad, and she found another guy who wanted to commit to her.
I don't think she fucked you over at all if you called it an "open" relationship. She's "open" to leave you at any time. Any "loser" feelings you have are self-inflicted. If you really care about this girl, you fucked yourself over. Sorry.
My friend, you ARE a case study. You are smart, good-looking, well-traveled and interesting and you date girls with no self confidence. Instead of using your brain or your heart, you decide to go completely against the grain, and ruin your own self confidence. Please stop listening to Tom Leykis and make friends with some happy couples.
the girl:
we were in an open relationship together, which meant to me that we were free to date and have people on the side but nothing serious. when she cancelled the trip 10 days before we left i got pissed and wouldn't speak to her for a couple of days so i wouldn't say something i would regret later. then she started ignoring me which pissed me off so i wasn't going to be the first to break the silence. finally did the night before i left and thought we had worked some stuff out. told her that i was real pissed about what she did but still cared about her. came back two weeks later without hearing a word from her and found that she was serious about this new guy. from she told me it started as a side gig about 2 months before i left and didn't get serious till i was gone. in the 13 days i was gone i guess it got pretty serious cause now she's not comfortable sleeping with me and no longer is physically afffectionate at all. i can't even figure out why i still want to be with her considering she fucked me over twice. but still want to be with her. makes me feel like a pathetic loser. and raises all these self confidence issues that i don't like dealing with. been a shitty couple of weeks. and i see her at least twice a day at the gym. trying to get her to just decide so i can either move on or move forward with her. have a feeling i'm going to be moving on. i'll get over it eventually but sucks right now. haven't found someone i like this much or this attracted to in years. actually like her enough to quit fucking other women and be monogamous. but while this is up in the air i started talking to my x in san diego more and went down to visit her and she's coming upto my mom's next weeknd to visit me. and need to patch things up with my fuck buddy but haven't had a night free to see her in a couple of weeks. whcih i think she is pretty pissed over.
Dear______,
Ok, I feel the need to give advice. Take it or leave it.
Many women will say they want an open relationship for two reasons #1) They are waiting for something better. #2) Because they will go to any lengths to be with you, even if it means lying (to you and themselves) and agreeing to what you want.
So, this girl either #1) Found something better. #2) Was tired of lying to you, and really wanted a monogamous relationship, which she found with someone else.
No offense, but your situation proves that monogamy is just a part of human existence. (We are, afterall, not fish. BTW fish don't have sex for pleasure.) If you can't commit to a person, that person will eventually leave you and find someone who will commit, even if they SAY that's not what they want/need. Remember ___ and his girlfriend? They opened the relationship when he went abroad, and she found another guy who wanted to commit to her.
I don't think she fucked you over at all if you called it an "open" relationship. She's "open" to leave you at any time. Any "loser" feelings you have are self-inflicted. If you really care about this girl, you fucked yourself over. Sorry.
My friend, you ARE a case study. You are smart, good-looking, well-traveled and interesting and you date girls with no self confidence. Instead of using your brain or your heart, you decide to go completely against the grain, and ruin your own self confidence. Please stop listening to Tom Leykis and make friends with some happy couples.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Give em' an inch...
...and they'll take a mile.
I'm sad to say that this is true in too many facets of relationships, especially working relationships. I had to have a conversation with an assistant today about taking on too much. He's outgoing, eager to do an outstanding job. Suddenly I saw a black hole being created for this young buck -- a hole that I have made for myself many times. You take on a project, or offer to do something extra, only to be told how they want you to do it; this turns out to be much more difficult than the project was originally intended to be. It has been proven that those who get the most done also have the most to do. But, there is a fine line between competency and being completely taken advantage of.
1.) NEVER ask others how your project should be done. Just tell them how you intend to get it done. They will surely tell you if they don't like your ideas, so don't solicit their advice. You're going to get an earfull anyway.
2.) Use specific time lines. "I intend to use (this/specific) picture for the website for the month of January." OR "Yes, that's a great idea, I'll think about using that next year."
3.) Don't be afraid to say no. "I'm sorry, I don't have time to take that on with all of the work I'm doing to invigorate the departmental website."
4.) Learn to delegate. The art of delegation is also being able to pick the best people for the job, otherwise you end up having to spend all of your time training them.
If anyone has a good tactic, please share.
I'm sad to say that this is true in too many facets of relationships, especially working relationships. I had to have a conversation with an assistant today about taking on too much. He's outgoing, eager to do an outstanding job. Suddenly I saw a black hole being created for this young buck -- a hole that I have made for myself many times. You take on a project, or offer to do something extra, only to be told how they want you to do it; this turns out to be much more difficult than the project was originally intended to be. It has been proven that those who get the most done also have the most to do. But, there is a fine line between competency and being completely taken advantage of.
1.) NEVER ask others how your project should be done. Just tell them how you intend to get it done. They will surely tell you if they don't like your ideas, so don't solicit their advice. You're going to get an earfull anyway.
2.) Use specific time lines. "I intend to use (this/specific) picture for the website for the month of January." OR "Yes, that's a great idea, I'll think about using that next year."
3.) Don't be afraid to say no. "I'm sorry, I don't have time to take that on with all of the work I'm doing to invigorate the departmental website."
4.) Learn to delegate. The art of delegation is also being able to pick the best people for the job, otherwise you end up having to spend all of your time training them.
If anyone has a good tactic, please share.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Der Wochenende
(The weekend)
It's Friday. My desk WAS clean, earlier today. I was sifting through piles of files and papers and I could actually see the top of my desk (which, by the way, needs some 409). Suddenly, new piles and projects started to appear out of no where, I was receiving an email a minute and a phone call every 5 minutes. Damn. It's not easy being so competent - everyone wants you to do something, and you do it, because everyone else is so incompetent. I need to learn the art of delegation.
Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm moving to no-name Campbell and will have to explain to everyone back in the Midwest where Campbell, CA is located. I can just hear the conversation now: "Yes, Campbell, like the soup. It's in the Bay Area - San Francisco Bay Area, but I live in the South Bay. The Silicon Valley. No Silicon, like computer chips, not Silicone like breasts - that's L.A., and they are made of saline now. San Jose. No San Jose is NOT in Texas."
Sunday I hope to do very little.
Monday I turn a whopping 27 years old, which doesn't excite me at all. I have no plans, other than to 409 my desk at last. I would like to give a shout out to my girl, NB, who gave me this lovely e-card for my birthday last year. It's ironic and funny coming from a happily married woman, with whom you would never make out because she's one of your best friends. (Sorry guys.)
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