Hi, it's me! I'm the girl at your BBQ that showed up with your friend, John. John and I know each other from college. He's just my friend. Ok, well we made out once but we both agreed it was a big mistake, and after all, that was in college and we've both grown up since then.
I'm really cool. You'll like me a lot because I'm a lot of fun. I'm nice to all of your friends. I bullshit with all of the guys, and compliment your girlfriends on the cuteness of their shoes. If I recognize anyone, I'll give them a big hug. That's just the way I roll.
Would I like a drink? Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I'd LOVE a beer. Not the raspberry beer, but if you have an amber ale, that would be great. Smirnoff Ice? Um, (politely) I don't think so.
John doesn't introduce me to anyone at the BBQ, because I'm already introducing myself. I work at such and such.. oh, you have a sister who went to school there, that's cool! I'm sorry I don't know anyone in the Business School... so-and-so sounds familiar, I'll have to look them up and say hello. Oh, you work at blah blah blah. That's cool. I don't know much about tech stuff, but I'm interested in anything. So, if you want to chat about it, that's fine. Ignore my silly questions.
Sure, I'll go on the tour of your new place. Oh wow (trying to be impressed) that's a really nice color in the bathroom, really I like it. Those are some fluffy towels. Very nice candles, too. Oh Macy's you say? Oh, how cute! You've done your daughter's room in the princess motive. Very original.
Ok, house tour is over. *whew* I'm heading back outside to the BBQ and I'll grab another beer while I'm at it. Oh, what a cute dog! What kind is he? I'll give him a scratch...
The women are still congregating in the kitchen. They never made their way back outside after the home tour. Now they are talking about Crate and Barrel. It's time to make a decision, Crate and Barrel or Oakland Raiders... Crate and Barrel or Oakland Raiders. Um, I choose Oakland Raiders.
No, I don't really like football, but I enjoy going to the games and eating hot dogs. I did got to a Raiders game once, and no, the fans didn't scare me much. My family were mostly Chicago fans, but like I said, I don't know much about football. Remember the Super Bowl shuffle? That was awesome. Good memories. Good times. I'd love another beer, oh and some guacamole dip. Thanks! No, really I can open my own beer. I'm liberated. You guys are hilarious!
It seems I'm outside with all of the guys. I should go in and see how the ladies are doing. I'm just having a good time, but they are starting to stare out the window and wondering wonder about me. No, I'm not trying to flirt with your husband. He's just funny. I'm not a home wrecker. Everyone is having such a good time out here... Um, yeah, I should get inside.
The ladies conversation has turned to their children. I'll just sit here silently and smile and nod, and try to add to the conversation. Yeah, my niece is really cute but she's a total pain in the ass. She lives in Iowa. I love her a lot. How old is your son? Oh, puke on the carpet. Very cute. *I'm screaming on the inside*
Ok, a few of the guys are coming in from outside. *whew* I feel relieved not to be the only female outside and the only person not interested in linens inside.
There are some nice couples here. That girl married to the hilarious guy is pretty cool. She calls him out on shit, and for that, I give her respect. It's so nice to talk with you both.
Hey, John. Thanks for bringing me. You'll be my alibi for feeling completely out of place. I know the guys don't mind if I hang out with them, but if the women ask, I'm just hanging out with YOU, ok? I just can't talk about weddings anymore. I'll just hang out with you the rest of the time so people don't get the wrong impression.
I'll get you a beer.
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