Monday, June 25, 2007

The Mysteries of Life Cereal

I've been asked to elaborate a bit on Life Cereal, namely what I'm looking for in a Life Cereal. Since I don't really have a good answer to this question, I will just bitch and moan for a few paragraphs. Excuse me...

During my series on Cereal Dating, I went out and bought a box of Life Cereal, just to check it out. I think there were a few different kinds, but I went with Original flavor. Honestly, it wasn't anything special. It was kind of like Wheat Chex, a little sweeter, but the cereal squares were more flat and had a smaller weave. Therefore, the cereal squares were not as well able to absorb milk like Wheat Chex, so you don't get that rush of cold milk when biting into the pieces.

I also found this fun little tidbit on the web:

Life is known as a wholesome cereal with a delicious taste that millions of adults and children love. Last year, 39 million boxes of Life and Cinnamon Life were sold. If placed end to end, the boxes sold in one year would stretch all the way from New York to Tokyo! Life Cereal - Historical Packaging Life Cereal was introduced in 1961 by the Quaker Oats Company as a cereal which "would help kids grow strong". In the early 70's, Life Cereal became famous for being the cereal that even Mikey, a finicky little 4 year old who "hates everything", loved to eat. Life stayed with the Mikey campaign for years and even today people everywhere remember Mikey. In 1978, we thought it was time to add a little spice to our Life. So we introduced Cinnamon Life and Cinnamon lovers everywhere were thrilled. Today, about one-third of all Life Cereal sold is Cinnamon flavor.


Life Cereal started out as a pretty damned good idea "helping kids grow strong." When kids are involved, I agree, there definitely needs to be some Life Cereal. I'm not exactly sure that I want to have kids. When people ask me, "Do you want kids?" it's like asking me if I'd like to have dinner on August 24, 2010. Um, I don't know. It sounds nice, but I honestly need to know what's going to lead up to that before I can give you a definite answer. Do I want Life Cereal so that I can one day have kids? No. I don't. That's not the reason for Life Cereal.

So, what is the reason? The cereal became very commercial with the slogan, "Even Mikey likes it!" It says, even this silly 4-year old with no taste likes it, so it must be good. Everyone is out to prove that they are committed to Life Cereal, so they get married. Today half of all marriages end in divorce. Nice. Doesn't sound too wholesome to me.

So, what does one do in order not to have a skewed and awful view of Life Cereal? I've watched my friends get married. Conversely, I've also watched my sister's friends (7 years older than me) get divorced. I've been told NUMEROUS times by seasoned individuals not to get married and just enjoy my life. I enjoy my life... but wouldn't it be more exciting to have someone to enjoy it with?

I had dinner with a happily married friend recently who told me about John, a bachelor, who was upset by married couples always telling him how hard marriage is. His question was, "If it's complicated and makes your life difficult... why do it?" My friend agreed that the selfish couples make you think twice, but wanted to convince John also that marriage was a good thing. She reported that, upon becoming engaged, married people would suddenly divulge their marital unbliss on her. Now married, she feels that she is lucky to be in a non-selfish, loving relationship in which all of the hardships of being a couple are GREATLY outweighed by all of the great things.

Those who are unhappy need to stop freaking us single people out! Don't tell me, "Oh, let me tell you, marriage is hard." Perhaps you have it mixed up with the general fact that LIFE is hard. At least when you're married, you have someone to share the hard times with, right? In our imagination, getting married is still a romantic thing you do with the greatest person in the whole world, who completes you and makes you a better person. Right? Right?! RIIGHT!??

I will furthermore blame angry and confused singles on those who got married for commerical reasons, namely because they felt like they (usually women) were a ticking time bomb. Yes, if you rush into something or if it is more important to get married than to be married, then yes, I could see how marriage is a living hell for you - a living hell that YOU created. Congratulations!

My Life Cereal need not be a cereal at all.

Instead I look for someone who's view on relationships has not been ruined by observing selfish, meaningless and/or commercial couples. He would also have to be keen to the fact that SOME women do not want to 1.) Be a nag. 2.) Ruin your life. 3.) Pressure you into marriage/babies. 4.) Make you stay home. 5.) Spend all of you money. 5.) Etc. (You get the point) Unfortunately this seems to be the stance many men take on serious relationships.

Mikey has been telling everyone that Life Cereal is the way to go for almost 30 years, causing women to become hysterical and men to become scared. Life is so much more than cereal. Society needs to put down the silver spoon and think outside of the box.

1 comment:

sarah said...

Props on that concluding sentence. I'd like to point out that Mikey didn't really care what anyone else was eating. He knew what he liked and what he didn't like, and he went for the Life even though everyone else was skeptical. The others decided it was a good idea just because the picky eater liked it. I have no idea what my point is, but I thought I'd throw that out there.