Where is George B.?

I'm very worried about George Bailey! I hope he is still having a wonderful life!!

Shall we all meet in the East Bay for lunch?

I had my suspisions.

Thank you Quiz Master for clearing this up. You are oh so wise!

You Are 41% Feminine, 59% Masculine

You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides. You're sensitive at the right times, but you don't let your emotions overwhelm you. You're not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

A summer day in the life of...

Hi, it's me! I'm the girl at your BBQ that showed up with your friend, John. John and I know each other from college. He's just my friend. Ok, well we made out once but we both agreed it was a big mistake, and after all, that was in college and we've both grown up since then.

I'm really cool. You'll like me a lot because I'm a lot of fun. I'm nice to all of your friends. I bullshit with all of the guys, and compliment your girlfriends on the cuteness of their shoes. If I recognize anyone, I'll give them a big hug. That's just the way I roll.

Would I like a drink? Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I'd LOVE a beer. Not the raspberry beer, but if you have an amber ale, that would be great. Smirnoff Ice? Um, (politely) I don't think so.

John doesn't introduce me to anyone at the BBQ, because I'm already introducing myself. I work at such and such.. oh, you have a sister who went to school there, that's cool! I'm sorry I don't know anyone in the Business School... so-and-so sounds familiar, I'll have to look them up and say hello. Oh, you work at blah blah blah. That's cool. I don't know much about tech stuff, but I'm interested in anything. So, if you want to chat about it, that's fine. Ignore my silly questions.

Sure, I'll go on the tour of your new place. Oh wow (trying to be impressed) that's a really nice color in the bathroom, really I like it. Those are some fluffy towels. Very nice candles, too. Oh Macy's you say? Oh, how cute! You've done your daughter's room in the princess motive. Very original.

Ok, house tour is over. *whew* I'm heading back outside to the BBQ and I'll grab another beer while I'm at it. Oh, what a cute dog! What kind is he? I'll give him a scratch...

The women are still congregating in the kitchen. They never made their way back outside after the home tour. Now they are talking about Crate and Barrel. It's time to make a decision, Crate and Barrel or Oakland Raiders... Crate and Barrel or Oakland Raiders. Um, I choose Oakland Raiders.

No, I don't really like football, but I enjoy going to the games and eating hot dogs. I did got to a Raiders game once, and no, the fans didn't scare me much. My family were mostly Chicago fans, but like I said, I don't know much about football. Remember the Super Bowl shuffle? That was awesome. Good memories. Good times. I'd love another beer, oh and some guacamole dip. Thanks! No, really I can open my own beer. I'm liberated. You guys are hilarious!

It seems I'm outside with all of the guys. I should go in and see how the ladies are doing. I'm just having a good time, but they are starting to stare out the window and wondering wonder about me. No, I'm not trying to flirt with your husband. He's just funny. I'm not a home wrecker. Everyone is having such a good time out here... Um, yeah, I should get inside.

The ladies conversation has turned to their children. I'll just sit here silently and smile and nod, and try to add to the conversation. Yeah, my niece is really cute but she's a total pain in the ass. She lives in Iowa. I love her a lot. How old is your son? Oh, puke on the carpet. Very cute. *I'm screaming on the inside*

Ok, a few of the guys are coming in from outside. *whew* I feel relieved not to be the only female outside and the only person not interested in linens inside.

There are some nice couples here. That girl married to the hilarious guy is pretty cool. She calls him out on shit, and for that, I give her respect. It's so nice to talk with you both.

Hey, John. Thanks for bringing me. You'll be my alibi for feeling completely out of place. I know the guys don't mind if I hang out with them, but if the women ask, I'm just hanging out with YOU, ok? I just can't talk about weddings anymore. I'll just hang out with you the rest of the time so people don't get the wrong impression.

I'll get you a beer.

Why most men fail at online dating

As if it couldn't get any worse... now you are even a loser online and need to seek professional help. So much for virtual reality, or second life. No, really, get help.

This is so disappointing. Apparently picking up women online can work,"Like a machine."

This is hilarious!

Nice Driving, Steve Jobs.

iDon't think so!

i saw you yesterday, Mr. Jobs.

My friends and iwere heading out of the Apple complex, you were heading out of the Apple complex...

We were in an Audi, you were in a brand new Mercedes. That's right, perhaps Jen turned around and looked at you and that made you uncomfortable...

But did you really have the right to cut into the outside lane, around the corner and cut back in around other law abiding drivers, also waiting their turn to get on the freeway? There was also a man in the crosswalk as you sped around the corner. Hitting him would not have looked good for you, Steve.

We also saw you in the carpool lane on 280... oh, and we didn't see anyone else in your car, Sir. Didn't you read the sign? Carpool is 2 or MORE people in a car. We were also traveling at about 80 miles an hour and we lost sight of you in about 30 seconds. Were we in a hurry?

Yes, we know you are ridiculously rich and you can afford a speeding ticket, or a carpool lane ticket. But, until you start marketing the iCar or the iLane or the iRules of the Road, ithink you'd better behave yourself.

By the way, ijust bought a Dell laptop because idon't like bouncing icons. That's "icons" not "iCons" so get over yourself.

The joys of living in the Silicon Valley!

Running Update

Pat's Run, April 29, 2007
4.2 Miles

Overall: 246
Women: 37/1080
Time: 31:27
Pace: 7:30

Memories: Spending an early and cold morning with good friends, and unfortunately having to rush home to get ready for a performance in the East Bay.

The Human Race, May 12, 2007

10 K

Overall: 63

Women: 10
Time: 49:37
Pace: 7:59/M

Memories: Running like Phoebe Buffay for money. :)

Lick my face

Has anyone taken the Real Age Quiz ?

I took the quiz a few years ago, living in Las Vegas at the ripe old age of 23. As a 23-year-old recent college graduate, I was living on my own, working 60 hours a week in a job that was totally unsatisfying and had nothing to do with my B.A. I was underpaid, and worked a lot of evenings and weekends. I never had time to eat and was about 15 pounds thinner than I am now. I had 4 friends who were just as busy as myself. In order to have a social life, I'd go out on weeknights until 2 am, do a lot of really unhealthy things, and suffer through the next work day. I was not taking care of myself physically, emotionally, spiritually, artistically.. nothin'.

I hated life and I was lonely.
My Real Age was 35.7. (Actual age 23)

Today I feel pretty happy and healthy. I surround myself by people, I like my job. I work out regularly, and just ran a 10K over the weekend. I took the quiz again.
My Real Age is 36. (Actual age 27.8)

After you take the Real Age quiz, they try to sell you a bunch of health products. Of course! They also send emails with information about increasing amounts of vitamins, healthy diet, healthy habits, blah blah blah. A common tip I keep getting from the Real Age People:

"Get a Pet."

Hmmm... I'm wondering if this is the result of checking the "Single" box during the quiz? I did mention that I have plenty of friends and am surrounded by people all the time. But, somehow Real Age doesn't think that's enough.

The idea of being a "cat person" scares me, although I do like felines.

I'd LOVE to have a dog! I would give him a normal person's name like "Ralph" or "Dave" and tell my friends how wonderfully active we are. i.e. "Dave and I went to the trail today and ran 6 miles!" or "Ralph and I went to an art and wine festival today, and we met the cutest Bulldog, Sophie, and her owner, Mike." :)

I've thought a lot about introducing a dog into my life, but it's just a bad time. I don't have the money, the time, or the space to take care of such a large animal. And, yes, I would want a larger dog. I dream of the day when I am able to shop for woman's best friend...

A.) Yes, it's a pit bull. B.) Running/athletic Greyhound. C.) Rottweilers are good Germans.

Beyonce Obsession

Whereby an intellectual finds pop culture amusing and somewhat relevant. I like the sentiment, although the presentation isn't really my style. Shouldn't couples upgrade each other? Otherwise, what's the point?



"You need a good woman in your life. Takin' care of home, and still fly. Partner, I can upgrade you."

My roommate is hating me right now. But, he's the one watching "Dreamgirls!" ;)

I'll date you, Shorty.

Every so often, while checking my Hotmail account, I see an interesting tidbit from MSN. Usually it's some generic topic that women read in Cosmo to assure themselves that they are on the right track, although they could have figured it out on their own: "10 Reasons He's Not The One" or "10 Best Shoes of Summer." (Yes, sweetie, he's been dating you for 2 years and you've never met his family... time to get a clue.)

Recently I've realized that MSN is focusing more of these articles towards the men-folk. Today's articles include:

Men: Control your rage before it kills you
NFL to add 17th game?
Lohan to Play Stripper in Next Film

Honestly, I'd rather read a men's article and have something to think about instead of reading another edition of, "How to Please Your Man." Lame. Lame. Lame.

Anyhoo, while sending an email today, my eye caught this little tidbit courtesy MSN:

Dating when you're a short guy

If I were a shorter guy, I would be seriously offended. The article implies that there is nothing wrong with shorter guys... only that women aren't as attracted to them. That's horrible. I mean, don't different people just have different preferences? Shouldn't we believe simply that there is someone out there for everyone? Short, tall, fat, skinny. Fine, shorter guys have a harder time getting a date. But, so do anti-social guys, or guys with a twitch, or guys who live at home... There are plenty of other reasons why people can't get a date. The reason someone can't get a date can not be based on height alone.

I am also a little offended because I've dated some shorter guys. I like them. Why not? Most of them are taller than me. :) I prefer some broad shoulders and an athletic build, but it's only because I'm pretty athletic myself and I wouldn't want to cause a guy physical harm. *ha* Anyhoo, I'd pick a shorter guy with a big personality over one of those tall, boring lanky dudes (Cornflakes) anyday.

Who is this Jason Kersten who writes for Maxim and Rolling Stone? Is he short? I actually looked up his image on Google and he's not bad ;)... I think he needs a female writing partner to tie up any loose ends and to make guys realize that different women want different things.

Dating when you’re a short guy
By Jason Kersten (and Suziemusi)

It’s hard out there for a shrimp (Because most women can't look past the trivial stuff..that's not your fault, shorty. I enjoy Jason's reference to "Hustle and Flow" however.) Chalk it up to cold Darwinism, cultural standards, or the simple feminine desire to have a man around who can reach the top shelf (Because she is somehow not capable of getting out a step stool herself, even in 2007) but just about every stature study in the last twenty years confirms what short guys already know: Women prefer taller men (Because taller men tend to have more self-confidence ans women are ridiculous!). But that doesn’t mean shorter men are doomed in the dating department (if they have a personality). In fact, lots of men who fall under America’s 5’9” male average date with great success—often with taller women. Their playbook (It's all a game, right?), honed by necessity, is all about evening the odds and picking up subtle signs of interest that their loftier brothers might ignore. Not convinced? Let these men’s struggles and solutions prove otherwise.

Challenge #1: Being short can wreak havoc with your confidence (which is a MAJOR turn-off to women)
While many women are happy to date a great guy regardless of his height, for some girls (especially the tall ones) it’s an instant deal breaker—and, given men are often responsible for making the first move (which is a bunch of crap) it can be tricky to know how to proceed. (You might want to think about dating a woman who ISN'T 5'9'' and seen in Playboy. That will greatly increase your odds of getting a date. Don't expect women to "lower" their standards if you can't "lower" yours.) There was a woman I was absolutely smitten with,” recalls Charles, 40, who’s a 5’7” surgeon living in New York City. “She was only a couple inches taller than me and friendly to me in group settings, so I figured I’d give it a shot. But after trying unsuccessfully to get a date with her, one of her friends finally told me the deal: I was too short for her.” (This could have been a nicer way of her telling you that she thinks your unattractive for other reasons.) Another experience many shorter guys suffer is when women do warm up to them... as a friend but this could be for another reason besides being short. “One time I was out with a short buddy of mine and a tall girl he was hitting on did the one thing that all short guys hate: She put his arm around him kind of like one would do with a little brother,” shudders Eric, a 40-year-old paramedic from Louisville, KY who’s 5’7”. Understandably, such experiences can leave many short guys feeling gun-shy. (Nice phallic reference, Jason.) “If I’m approaching a woman who’s taller than me, I’d probably be dissuaded much more easily,” continues Eric. “I’ll probably interpret any bit of coyness or lack of enthusiasm as ‘Well, she just doesn’t go for shorter guys’ and steer clear.” (So, you're a quitter. Nice.)

(Realization): Know that plenty of women don’t mind half as much as you think
While sussing out who’s open to dating in the lower height ranges isn’t easy, there are ways to get a handle on who’s game. Case in point: Most men don’t pay that much attention to a woman’s shoes, but shorter guys hone in on them, and for good reason. “If I see a tall woman who’s got on four-inch heels, that’s a subtle message that she’s into being tall and it’s part of her personality. I’ll generally avoid these types as a rule,” says Eric (Obviously he believes in first impressions, although they may not be correct. Heels make legs look long and lean - it's fashion more than anything. We dress mostly to impress other women, not to impress men.) “But when I see a tall woman who wears flats, it’s a clear sign she’s not caught up in being tall. (Perhaps she has a tall complex.) As a matter of fact, she’s trying to bring herself down a little bit (So she doesn't hurt YOUR ego?) So I approach.” And for women, the word is that you need to be more explicit and encouraging if you’re interested in a shorter guy. “The taller women that I’ve dated actually came more to me than I pursued them,” says Eric, who is currently dating a woman a couple inches taller than him. “The woman I’m dating right now came and gave me a kiss at a party. It was that easy.” (Well, she thinks your cute as a button.)

Challenge #2: In the online dating world, height can be listed as a mate must-have
On many online dating sites, members are asked to list their own height as well as the desired stature of the people they’d like to date. (Just lie about your stats a little - everyone else is doing it.) For shorter guys, this can present obvious problems—and while it’s tempting to fudge the facts a few inches in your profile, the game will be over once you meet face to face. (Chances are your impression of them will be diminished too, so no need to worry.) “If you walk into a date and you’ve said you’re two inches taller than you are, then you might as well be wearing a big sign that says ‘liar,’” points out Eric. So be honest, but also be willing to take a proactive role in scanning for and emailing women online since you may not make their minimum height requirement when they do the searching.

(Realization): Realize that most women will bend their rules for the right guy
While the situation may look bleak, shorter online daters shouldn’t despair and here’s why: What women list they want in a mate ideally can be light years from what they’re perfectly happy to accept in the right guy. (Likely, they'll find out that your not the right guy for them anyway.) Eric, for one, was at first surprised when his online profile got interest from taller women who were breaking the very height requirements they listed in their own online profile. (Obviously, Eric has a personality.) “They write that they’re looking for a taller guy, but then again, they’re contacting me,” he says, adding that at first he felt the need to explain to them that he might not live up to their lofty standards. “I used to tell them I’m a lot shorter than you’re looking for, but I don’t do it anymore because it’s pointless. They see it in your profile anyway.” Bill, a 35-year-old publishing executive from Rochester, NY, who’s 5’6”, says he’s had a good response online from women of all heights. (Then again, if asked, would he tell them he DIDN'T have a good response -- come on.)“I have taller girls emailing me a lot, even though I don’t meet the height they say they’re looking for,” he says, “They all tell me my profile made them laugh. I think the key is having something to capture their attention other than height. Humor’s the best.”

Challenge #3: Short guys aren’t always taken seriously
Even guys who do find a gal who’s fine and dandy with a height differential ("Even if" like it doesn't happen... come on, Jason!) know that being an odd couple can be hard—for instance, strangers may do double-takes and friends and family may make snide, behind-the-back comments from friends and family. (So, you will be forever odd and laughed at by your friends and family? That's not very nice.) “Generally speaking, if you’re a short guy and you’re dating a tall woman and you walk into a bar, people tend to laugh or whisper about you,” says Eric. “Or have you ever noticed how men think it’s OK to hit on a tall girl even if it’s obvious she’s dating the short dude standing right next to her?” (Tall dudes have their own set of issues to deal with.)

(Realization): Confidence can make any guy seem ten feet tall
One lesson short guys learn early on is that confidence, not height, is the ultimate aphrodisiac. “If you’re hitting on a taller woman, don’t even blink,” recommends Bill. “Just interact totally straight on, like there’s nothing weird. (Implying that there is something weird)Never let your actual stature affect your sense of metaphorical stature.” In fact, showing a taller girl your chutzpah works especially well when you’re short. “If a woman is taller than you, she knows that she’s taller than you, then she’ll see your approaching her as a sign that you’re very confident with who you are.’ That puts you in a very good light, in front of her and in front of others,” says Eric. So when you’re taking a woman out and get a double-take or see someone giggling in your direction, remember: Your date chose to go out with you because you have all kinds of great things going for you. So don’t let another person’s height hang-up put a dent in your confidence. And that brings up a valuable big-picture perspective: Height hang-ups are just that—another person’s issue, not yours. (So, why did you call them "coping strategies," Jason, and refer to them "odd" and "weird" and "shrimp".) So if you do get rebuffed because of your stature, consider how Charles looks at the situation: “If a girl doesn’t want to date me because I’m shorter, I just think ‘Too bad for her. She’s missing out on me.’” (I tell myself this ALL the time, too!)

Jason Kersten is a regular contributor to Maxim, Rolling Stone, and other magazines. To read the other side of the story, click here. (Suziemusi is a regular blogger who likes to comment on articles she reads and is not published or famous.)

You can't take it with you.

I was in the Dallas burbs over the weekend visiting my cousin. Honestly, it was VERY appealing for a lot of reasons: close to family, an international airport, favorable weather (I can deal with humidity), close to the city and entertainment, fantastic people, plenty of universities at which to work, and VERY nice cost of living. Problem = I can't go unless I can take my favorite parts of California with me... So, if anyone can find a way to package these things, please let me know:

Ethnic cuisine - We're not talking Olive Garden here, we're talking about family-owned, with Grandma's cooking from the old country. Even better when food is curried, eaten with hands or chopsticks, and/or totally unpronounceable.

Diversity - I need at least one Hispanic neighbor, one of Asian decent, and one African-American within 2 blocks of my $350,000 4-bedroom house.

Mountains - Not that I'm an avid skier, but they are pretty to look at and they give you something to hike up. They also make a lovely music and art venue.

Liberals - I'm not saying everyone needs to be liberal, but at least one person with an Obama '08 sticker on their Mini Cooper would be nice.

Expensive gas, people who don't look you in the eye, gang violence, drugs, and anything having to to with Hollywood or Los Angeles can stay in California.

Thanks for listening! Have a nice day!

I swear, I'll write later.

South Bay Ken

It seems many girlfriends who intentionally move out of the South Bay for "bigger and better things" (i.e. to live in the fabulous City or even with the intention of living happily single) meet a nice, SJ guy and find themselves back in the South Bay. What is this phenomenon? In addition to a few friends *Ahem, Saba* just last week I met two more ladies - one at my gym and one on Caltrain - who live in SF but have an SJ beau. We obviously have some quality males down here! I feel the South Bay has been overlooked and underrepresented!

Moreover, a friend of mine recently alerted me to the East Bay Barbie.














"Danville Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

It seems we need to represent the South Bay here! Come on guys and gals, take your best shot a creating a South Bay Ken or South Bay Barbie.

For example -

"Silicon Valley Ken"

A little socially awkward, but the sweetest guy you'll ever meet. Slightly overweight but has a high-end gym membership, usually hyped up on Coca Cola, wears polo shirts with a high-tech logo. Comes equipped with state-of-the-art Blackberry, a bunch of miscellaneous computer parts and a Porche Carrera, although he lives with his mother.

Please feel free to edit. Any other ideas?

San Jose Ken:

Palo Alto Ken:

Sunnyvale Ken:

Mountain View Ken:

Almaden Valley Ken:

Campbell Ken:

Saratoga Ken:

Los Gatos Ken:

Gilroy Ken:

Morgan Hill Ken:

I couldn't help it

"No, really baby. It's okay - I'll get it... you just get the car door."