The Adventures of Mr. Striped Shirt

Yay! It's girls night out! My friend is celebrating as a single woman before she marries the most perfect guy ever! We decided to hit this club because one of the girls knows the D.J. - we have V.I.P. passes, free booze, and a safe limo drive home! We are having a good time.

Yeah, we're a little wild - It's a bachelorette party! We decided to all wear wigs! It's kind of silly, but we think we're cute. We'll have some good pictures to show our friends.

Let's hit the dance floor! Yeah this is the same kind of music they play at all of the clubs, but this seems to be a cool mix of people and we typically dance in a circle anyway. Besides, we've all had a few, and we're having fun! We like to shake our asses a little when we dance and sing along. There seems to be someone with bad breath and a striped shirt lurking in the shadows. Uh, oh, don't make eye contact, he's coming over...

Sure, we like to dance. Dancing is a part of our culture. We may be a little wild, but we are just having a good time. Suddenly we realize that there is a guy lurking behind. Our smiles turn to smirks as you creep over behind my friend. You are being pretty sly, there. Nice job. No one was giving you a come-hither stare... so why did you come over? My friend is engaged to a great guy, she didn't want to sleep with YOU... none of us want to sleep with you. Who is the maid of honor? Does it matter? She doesn't want to sleep with you either, and she especially doesn't want your junk on her leg. Don't be up in her grill, dude. It's "girls" night - get it? Punk.

Oh, I see. You wanted to grab on my friend. Well, she is not interested in you but doesn't know how to tell you to leave. She's barely dancing anymore. We are all laughing at you, but you are too drunk to notice. You give us all a glazed over stare and a smirk - yeah, you think you are the man.

Finally, one of us has to tell you to stop. But, why are you so upset? Don't call my friend names, she doesn't like that! OH, you say my friend is a lesbian. That's interesting. Just because she doesn't want to feel your junk near her butt, doesn't really make her a lesbian, now does it? If that's what will keep you away...yes, we are all lesbians. Go away. Please don't come back. Don't be talking trash about lesbians either, or I'll have to find one to kick your ass.

Oh, your friends don't really know what to do. They are neither helping nor hindering you. Some wing-men they are. You all go out, thinking you're going to be able to rub your junk on a bunch of girls because you are drunk and looking swave in your Banana Republic striped shirt. Yeah, not so.

How to spot "Mr. Stripped Shirt"
1.) He's in a group of other stripped shirts. They are like a herd of zebras.
4.) He is surrounded by women, or he surrounds women.. one of the two.
3.) He is the drunkest guy at the bar
4.) He is the loudest guy at the bar
5.) If you can't spot him at this point, you need to take off your beer goggles or something...