Single-shmingle

Upon telling my girlfriend K that I'm single again:

Me: I don't think I'm going to date anyone for while.
K: How long is awhile?
Me: I don't know. Maybe 6 months.
K: WHAT? Well don't keep that door completely shut.
Me: Nah, I'm just keeping the screen door closed so I don't let anymore bugs in.

If I lost my sense of humor, one could worry. Obviously, I'm fine. :)

Books I should write.

85% of Americans think they have a book in them. Here are my book ideas. Since there is about a .5% chance that I'll actually write one, maybe someone else will about these nifty, important topics.

"You Pay for Drinking, Smoking and Sexual Activity: A Parent's Guide to College"
I don't like to lie to people, so why not tell parents what they are really paying for.

"The Dying Arts: Inspiration to Keep Them Alive"
Should include sections explaining why popular is not always art, and art is not always popular.

"Wooking Pa Nub In All Da Wong Places"
Buttwheat's guide to dating. I'm sure he doesn't know what he's doing either.

"Maryland Parkway, Las Vegas: A Novel"
A coming of age story about a girl trapped in the "real" Las Vegas.

"The Real America" Volume 1: Iowa, Volume 2: Illinois, Volume 3: Indiana, Volume 4: Michigan, Volume 5: Minnesota
An explanation is needed to those city-slickers who don't understand how Bush won the last election. It will also have a travel section, encouraging people to visit and, at the very least, see those "other people" for themselves.

"Weddimus: Weddings for the Rest of us."
How to plan your joyous, weddimus, filled with non-traditional fun. How to plan a wedding on $5,000. The joys of elopement. A section on making things easy (and not expensive) for your bridal party.

Where's Lloyd?

I caught the last hour or so of the movie "Say Anything" tonight. I'd *gasp* never seen it before. I'm a fan of John Cusak - I think I've seen just about every other movie he's been in, but for some reason, this one has always passed me by.

I found it interesting that the girl's boyfriend ended up being more reliable than her stealing/lying father. An interesting premise. Or perhaps, because her father loved her so much, but upon his going to jail, she needed to quickly replace the man in her life. I have no idea who could possibly love me more than my own father - and I have no need to replace him. Perhaps having such a good relationship with both of my parents makes it more difficult to find someone who will take me as seriously as they have my entire life. Lloyd, even at his young age, takes people seriously.

There are plenty of things that my parents wouldn't do for me. Move to a foreign country - for one. The future man in my life.. yeah, it would be nice if I felt so inclined to take a job in England, Germany, or just Chicago. Of course, I would follow him too if the opportunity went the other way. Lloyd moved to England.

A serenade would also be nice. Lloyd has a very famous serenade in that movie.



Maybe I've missed out on Lloyd... perhaps Lloyd went to England and his girlfriend dumped him for a Brit. Now he is embittered and incapable of being with me. Perhaps Lloyd decided he didn't like England, or didn't like that his girlfriend's dad was a convict, so he doesn't want to put himself into a complicated position anymore. Perhaps Lloyd joined the English mafia (ha ha) and spent some time in jail or something.

The point is, is that Lloyd used to have feelings but they were somehow taken away. Now Lloyd has a good job somewhere, friends, security, but doesn't trust women. I don't know how this happened, but it's a tragedy. Poor Lloyd is probably in his 30's (ok, I know JK is more like 40) and he's confused.

So, you ask. What is a girl to do? Maybe I'll try and find an 18-year-old and treat him well so he doesn't become embittered. Maybe he would become embittered anyway, no matter how well I treated him. Unfortunately I don't like 18-year-olds (or 28 year olds for that matter) much. It's crossed my mind that I may be too old to find a Lloyd. At this point, I'd like someone with life experience to at least match mine. But, where are those non-embittered souls willing to not blame ALL women for ruining their lives, or being too scared that women will ruin their lives.

How did I get blamed for ruining men's lives? I mean. Really. I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't make anyone move to England for me... My dad isn't in jail and I'm not looking for a male role model of some kind... It must have been that other girl.

Bitch.

Maybe Lloyd needs to get over it.

Lloyd is dead.

Fall Flip-Out

Every summer I sit around, thinking a lot, wanting to do something more, but alas, no one else seems to want to do anything extraordinary. So, I sit, without complaint, driving myself insane and taking long lunch breaks. Strangely enough, it seems other in a similar job position to mine enjoy the summer - probably because they are happy doing nothing. That's just not the way I roll.

I believe in signs - whether they be from God or some other higher power. I think human beings have an awareness of when things aren't right, then follow signs to another path, thus leading them in another direction. Every summer I try to update my resume and do job searches because I find summer to be completely underwhelming.

Today I thought I saw a glimmer of light.

I think I have a great idea for my thesis, so I emailed my non-communicative advisor, and another professor for whom I have great respect (just in case my advisor doesn't respond). My thesis idea is pretty bomb-ass. My idea rolls into my career aspirations, and expands the role that I play at my job, and has future implications. My thesis will ensure that I don't have a boring summer next year.

Right after emailing my bomb-ass thesis idea, I receive and email that one of my classes has been canceled. My intention, of course, is to finish my MA this year, do or die! I won't survive another Summer of Mundane. I'm desperate! So, I started researching other programs online - even in Chicago, then in Washington D.C. "Damnit! I will finish! If they won't let me move on, I'll just move somewhere else and finish! No one will stop me!" I thought.

Yeah, I flipped out a little. It happens.

An hour later I receive a phone call from my advisor, who, for some reason has heard the situation and has read my emails to him and the department asking what I should do. Amazing.

The only option I have to satisfy the requirement for the canceled class and still finish at the end of 2008, is to take another class with "the teachers." I'll do anything - even take another class with people who need a step-by-step rubric.

So, the glimmer of light is to hold tight for another year before packing up and leaving for Chicago or Washington D.C. Perhaps the Bay Area will be able to keep me - it honestly won't be hard because I love it here.

But, I AM gearing up for a new adventure of some kind. I can feel it.

Back in the Day

What is this expression, "Back in the Day?" I'm 28, so back in the day would refer to what? The 80's? I don't know if that was really "the day." It seems this expression is being used to often by people my age or younger to explain, perhaps, a simpler time. I think, however, we should wait until at least middle age, when we have children our age, until we have licence to use the term freely. Those younger than us don't understand, and those older than us, well, the expression is just ridiculous since they remember more than just the 80's.

I will retire use of this expression, but post a picture from a simpler time. Remember perms? Remember Pound Puppies? Oh yeah!



Thanks to my cousin for this fabu picture!

Don't forget the lyrics!

Even sexy Wayne Brady couldn't keep my attention to watch this horrible TV game show, in which players must complete the lyrics to win. The player can choose from a number of categories including: Pop, American Favorites, The 60's, KC and the Sunshine Band, and their winnings duplicate as they sing lyrics correctly.

I will admit that I didn't know any of the lyrics to songs selected. I don't think people understand that while I was learning about modes, scales, augmented 6 chords, vocal phonation, and diction (p.s. these are musical terms), I wasn't sitting around memorizing popular song lyrics or names of popular bands.

"Oh well it's lady's night, and the feelin's right, oh well it's lady's night, oh what a night!" There are actually verses to that song! *shocked and amazed* Who knew? Apparently, a lot of people know... and they have the lyrics memorized too.

I hate the American Idol phenomenon. Anyone can sound good in a recording studio -- anyone. Technology is amazing. I don't think people know just how amazing it is. Also, why should we idolize singers only?

As a musician, I think I disappoint people with musical conversation. People are unhappy that I don't think The Dave Matthews Band is the greatest band of all time, or when I can't tell the difference between Hall & Oats and The Grateful Dead. We didn't learn these things in school. Sorry. I'm thinking more about band names when I listen to a song. People are even more thoroughly disappointed when name-drop the classical musician names that everyone knows (Mozart, Bach, Beethoven) and expect me to say they are great, but instead I pull out names like Wolf, Mendelssohn, and Crumb.

When I meet new people and I tell them I'm a musician, these are the items that most disappoint them:

1.) The Dave Matthew's Band (or Insert Band Name Here)is good, but I refuse to say they are the best band ever.

2.) Pavarotti was not a good singer during most of my lifetime. Classical singers lose their voices and technique around their 50s. It's sadly the process of aging. Pavarotti was 71. (God rest his soul.)

3.) I think Mozart is boring. Yes, he was amazing for producing thousands of pieces by the time of his 30-something death, but they all pretty much sound the same.

4.) Chant, much Choral repertoire, and anything by Barber (who wrote "Adagio for Strings" made popular by the movie Platoon) are actually not "classical" music. The classical era was approx. 1750-1810. Chant was part of the Medieval period, Bach (choral composer)was part of the Baroque period, and Barber died in the 90's.

5.) By the way, "Adagio for Strings" is not a "song" - songs have words. Orchestral "songs" are referred to as a "work" or a "piece."

6.) I don't memorize popular song lyrics or band names. Not that I don't like some popular music, just that I'm thinking more about chords than words.

7.) Josh Groban is NOT an opera singer. He is "popera" at best. His Italian is atrocious and his voice has not fully developed for the style. He would never be hired by the MET unless they decided to be sellouts (not likely).

8.) Phantom of the Opera is NOT an opera. It is musical theatre. There is a difference.

9.) Yes, I play some piano, but just enough to get by. I'm very intermediate. I can't sing and play like Norah Jones. Sorry.

10.) People who practice to sing karaoke have too much time on their hands. Go listen to something new!