I Can't Cook Too

Grandma: "Well, how are you going to take care of your husband if you can't cook?"
Me: "I'm going to marry a chef."

You know what's funny? I have never dated a chef - ever. Maybe it's because chefs won't date people who don't know how to cut an onion. I mean, really. Cutting an onion the *right* way? What difference does it make?

This weekend I attempted brunch for my birthday boy, and totally screwed up eggs. I had this brilliant idea to make fried potatoes with onion and bell pepper, then stir the eggs in. The scrambled egg just sopped up grease from the fried stuff, and it just looked disgusting. Luckily, I had bread a cheese, fruit, pre-made cinnamon rolls and mimosas.... because maybe if he drank enough champagne, he wouldn't notice. Well, I noticed! (And he laughed at me, in a nice way... kind of.)

My inability to cook well is somewhat a lack for trying, a lack of knowledge, and a lack of pleasure. Here are my top ten reasons I can't cook:

10.) My mother was a working woman who made 30 minute meals, which mostly included things out of a box or can. i.e. Chef Boyardee lasagne mix, salmon out of a can, instant rice, and tacos. I make all of these things very well.

9.) Not to blame everything on my mother: My father was a spoiled only-child who's mother cooked every meal for him, so he never learned to cook either.

8.) I was not raised to think that certain things were "womans work" or "men's work." I am pretty good at hanging pictures, washing the car, and mowing the lawn. These talents are not to be discounted.

7.) I work out in the afternoon, so when I get home I'm STARVING. I'm not going to read a cookbook when my stomach is screaming, "Feed me, Seymour!"

6.) The Bay Area has ridiculously good restaurants. If I was still living in the midwest, maybe I'd be Cat Cora by now. Cookin' up all kinds of jello salad n' such.

5.) The Bay Area has diverse ethnic cuisine, which I love! It's an art, and there is no way I cook Vietnamese or Italian food better than a Vietnamese or Italian chef (or someone who has studied cuisine.)

4.) Geez, I'm cooking for myself here . . . What's the fun in that?

3.) If I learned to cook, would I be expected to bake too? Awwww, shucks.

2.) If we're supposed to make things from scratch, then why is there all of this yummy frozen stuff! They even make organic frozen stuff!

1.) I don't like doing anything I'm not good at. Bottom line. I probably received some feedback in my childhood that told me just to give up, and that I wasn't any good at cooking, so I never really tried.

The moral to this story: Teach your children how to cook - all of them - male, female, scholar, athlete . . . and encourage them. When you are old, you might not be moblie enough to go out to restaurants, or maybe Meals on Wheels will lose funding. THEN, who is going to cook for you? The children are our future. It also might help them a make brunch for a friend, or marry a nice chef.

Treat your children well.