I'm young, single and I work on a college campus where most people are not very young and not very single, except of course for the students. So, when a nice colleague from another department asks me out to lunch I say, "Of course!" This would be the same for male or female co-workers alike. In this case, it was a male.
He did not invite me off campus for this lunch; it was at a campus venue, with plenty of other faculty and staff eating, reading, having lunch meetings, etc. It was a very UN-date like environment. He did not pay for my lunch. So, we start off with the typical work-banter: office happenings, people we both know on campus, "How about them Broncos?" You know, stuff like that....
Suddenly I get the overwhelming feeling that this guy is interested more than my department job, and we are suddenly we talking about non-work things like political views. Politics shouldn't be discussed at work, they should be discussed over a beer...between friends OR MORE...but...I don't WANT to have a beer with this guy, because that makes it a date, and I don't want to date him. DAMN. I'm in a bind.
We both only have an hour for lunch (Thank God), so luckily it doesn't stay weird for long. But, then what if he asks me to go for a beer? Yikes! He doesn't ask me to go for a beer. So, now I feel bad for assuming this guy wants to date me. Do people on campus think we are dating? Uh. Oh.
This reminds me of a story my brother told me about dating without knowing it. He was new at his job and a guy in a nearby cubicle asked him if he wanted to go to a movie. My brother, thinking this guy was his pretty cool, went to a movie with him. It wasn't a romantic movie, it was a guy movie.. so, what's the problem?
He didn't think anything was weird. He'd gone out with his buddy from work... so?
The problem is my brother goes back to the office on Monday morning to find out that his other co-workers think the two guys are a couple. Turns out my brother's "work buddy" was gay. Well, how was he to know? Also, who's to say this guy was interested in my brother. Perhaps he just wanted to be nice to the new guy.
Are there always ulterior motives when a guy asks you out to a seemingly friendly lunch or movie? If so, I consider this to be a date. Furthermore, if this is the case, I've been dating 3 or 4 guy friends unknowingly for the past 5 years.
Oops.
1 comment:
The answer is, generally, yes. If some guy that you don't normally hang out with outside of seeing each other at whatever common location you see each other at (work, gym, choir practice, whatever) asks you to anything out of the norm (lunch, movie, drink, etc.), he wants to do you. Sorry to be so blunt, but just thought you should know. Your brother's experience is different. Much more complicated.
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