Where's the damned snow?

If there were a red or blue pill that gave me the option go either go through the holidays, or to skip it -- I would skip it.

I would wake up on Monday, January 8, go to the gym where I would run an easy 30 minutes on 7.0 treadmill speed and stretch. Before showering, I would stop by each mirror to marvel at how thin I look. I would go to work, where there would be plenty of important items on my desk. During lunch, I would check my bank account online to see that I have plenty of funds for a pedicure and a trip to Ann Taylor. No one would say, "Happy Holidays!" or ask for the millionth time what I'll be doing for Christmas, New Years, etc. No one would ask me what I did for Christmas, New Years, etc. It would be fabulous.

Unfortunately I must endure these holidays with everyone else. Even the party-loving, gift-buying, Christmas-In-The-Park-going people who think that is what the holidays are all about. These are the same people that honk at you on the freeway, take the last can of pumpkin, and steal your parking space because THEIR Christmas is sooo much more important than yours. I hate them.

I don't know why the holidays stress me out so much. So, I blame it on the weather.

California Christmas is confusing. I can understand wanting to spend Christmas on a beach, under a palm tree, relaxing, drinking something out of a coconut. I can also understand staying inside under a blanket because you can't get your car out of the snowed-in driveway. But, I don't understand the holidays having anything to do with rain or leaf blowers. I'm in more of a mood to go shopping for school supplies than to put up a Christmas tree. This is FALL, people. NOT winter!

A group from my choir is getting together next week to sing carols at Christmas in the Park. San Jose's Christmas in the Park scares the crap out of me. There are scary animated figurines and FAKE snow. Sure, I was spoiled as a child to enjoy walking down Chicago's historic Michigan Avenue to view the intricate window displays of Marshall Field's and the world famous Bloomingdales Christmas tree in the cold. But, why even bother pretending that there is snow on the ground? Doesn't this just confuse little children.

Caroling SEEMS like it would be fun, but, how many Christmas carols do you know that have nothing to do with winter? I think California and other no-winter states should do some carol rewrites and stop misleading people. Really, this is for the good of the children!

Oh the weather outside is delightful,
And forest fires are so frightful,
And since the weather is so tame,
Let it rain! Let it rain! Let it rain!

I'm dreaming of a foggy Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know.
Where the marine layer covers,
And birds still hover,
To hear our next door neighbor mow.

In the bleak midwinter,
Mild, wet wind made moan,
Earth stood soft and muddy,
Water flowed, flowed, flowed
Rain had fallen, rain on rain, rain don't you know?
In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a horsepowered SUV!

Cell phones ring, are you listenen?'
On the freeway, traffic lights glistnen'
We're honk at them all, as we see a car stall,
Parkin' in a crowded shopping mall.