I Can't Cook Too

Grandma: "Well, how are you going to take care of your husband if you can't cook?"
Me: "I'm going to marry a chef."

You know what's funny? I have never dated a chef - ever. Maybe it's because chefs won't date people who don't know how to cut an onion. I mean, really. Cutting an onion the *right* way? What difference does it make?

This weekend I attempted brunch for my birthday boy, and totally screwed up eggs. I had this brilliant idea to make fried potatoes with onion and bell pepper, then stir the eggs in. The scrambled egg just sopped up grease from the fried stuff, and it just looked disgusting. Luckily, I had bread a cheese, fruit, pre-made cinnamon rolls and mimosas.... because maybe if he drank enough champagne, he wouldn't notice. Well, I noticed! (And he laughed at me, in a nice way... kind of.)

My inability to cook well is somewhat a lack for trying, a lack of knowledge, and a lack of pleasure. Here are my top ten reasons I can't cook:

10.) My mother was a working woman who made 30 minute meals, which mostly included things out of a box or can. i.e. Chef Boyardee lasagne mix, salmon out of a can, instant rice, and tacos. I make all of these things very well.

9.) Not to blame everything on my mother: My father was a spoiled only-child who's mother cooked every meal for him, so he never learned to cook either.

8.) I was not raised to think that certain things were "womans work" or "men's work." I am pretty good at hanging pictures, washing the car, and mowing the lawn. These talents are not to be discounted.

7.) I work out in the afternoon, so when I get home I'm STARVING. I'm not going to read a cookbook when my stomach is screaming, "Feed me, Seymour!"

6.) The Bay Area has ridiculously good restaurants. If I was still living in the midwest, maybe I'd be Cat Cora by now. Cookin' up all kinds of jello salad n' such.

5.) The Bay Area has diverse ethnic cuisine, which I love! It's an art, and there is no way I cook Vietnamese or Italian food better than a Vietnamese or Italian chef (or someone who has studied cuisine.)

4.) Geez, I'm cooking for myself here . . . What's the fun in that?

3.) If I learned to cook, would I be expected to bake too? Awwww, shucks.

2.) If we're supposed to make things from scratch, then why is there all of this yummy frozen stuff! They even make organic frozen stuff!

1.) I don't like doing anything I'm not good at. Bottom line. I probably received some feedback in my childhood that told me just to give up, and that I wasn't any good at cooking, so I never really tried.

The moral to this story: Teach your children how to cook - all of them - male, female, scholar, athlete . . . and encourage them. When you are old, you might not be moblie enough to go out to restaurants, or maybe Meals on Wheels will lose funding. THEN, who is going to cook for you? The children are our future. It also might help them a make brunch for a friend, or marry a nice chef.

Treat your children well.

Cowboy take me away . . .

I picked up a Time Magazine while waiting on my to-go order today, and scanned an article about grass fed cows.

The short story is: Eating grass fed meat and promoting grass fed animals is better for the environment and the cow. The grains that feed most cows must be transported to the ranches (if you want to call them that), causing CO2 emissions. Then the cows are lumped together in a mounds of poo, which again, causes CO2 emissions. When cows are eating off of the land, the CO2 is more healthfully spread out, and well, if you were a cow, you wouldn't want to live with a bunch of poo either, RIGHT?

Oh, but I'm not here to talk about meat. I'm interested in cowboys! Read on!

Cowboys were ranchers, responsible for cows, who would travel the fields by horseback to care for the animals. Kind of like a shepherd for sheep. Ok, so real cowboys went out in the late 18-early 1900's when they found out that you can lump a bunch of cows together on a farm, feed them grains, and make them live in their own poo. What I find interesting is that the cowboy lifestyle persists in the country mainstream (is that an oxymoron?). Basically anyone who is "cool" in the country is or wants to be a cowboy.

I disagree with this. You-who-thinks-you-are-a-cowboy, you are a farmer or a rancher or in the rodeo. You ain't no cowboy. Pardon my, er, country English. There hasn't been a need for cowboys much since humans began mass-produding beef on cattle lots.

So, by going back to the root of animal feeding and feeding out animals---more like God intended -- won't that also bring back legitimate cowboys again? Furthermore, shouldn't that make country people excited about eating better meat?

It's time to start eating grass fed beef. Not because it is better for the animals, or the environment, but because people will become cowboys again, thus living out their dreams.

This random musing brought to you by Beef. It's what's for dinner.